


always remember (that I'm proud of you)

by koifishthatwrites



Series: to fix what's broken [7]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Depressed Oma Kokichi, Established Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi - Freeform, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gay Oma Kokichi, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Killing Game Was A Virtual Reality Simulation (Dangan Ronpa), Light Angst, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Oma Kokichi Being Oma Kokichi, Oma Kokichi Is a Little Shit, Oma Kokichi Needs a Hug, Oma Kokichi-centric, Out of Character Oma Kokichi, POV Oma Kokichi, References to Depression, Romantic Fluff, and he get tons of them, and just kind sad but fluffy as well, but not really, here we go again bois, like hes a lot nicer because character development
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28547280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koifishthatwrites/pseuds/koifishthatwrites
Summary: They stare at each other, silent yet not. Love and tenderness reflecting in gold and violet eyes like twin mirrors.Until it breaks once again.“... I’m so proud of you.” A pause. “You know that right?”He smiles, an expression small yet so soft and full of love, “I do now.”
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Iruma Miu, Amami Rantaro/Shinguji Korekiyo, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Series: to fix what's broken [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2053170
Comments: 12
Kudos: 122





	always remember (that I'm proud of you)

**Author's Note:**

> warning: tags sweetie
> 
> ugh i apologize for the very late update
> 
> my grandmother died and though we weren't really that close, it still hurt seeing my older sister cry like that
> 
> Between having to comfort my other family members and attending her funeral, plus helping my mother around with her back pain, I haven't had a lot of time to plug in my head phones and write
> 
> honestly ive been trying to not over tag lately but i always end up what i feel is over tagging anyway

Days go by in a flash but not a single one passes by where he doesn’t fall all over again for the beautiful sight that is Shuichi’s smile.

They fall asleep together and rise up together, every night, every morning. The staff has long since stopped trying to separate them.

Being with Shuichi comes as easily as breathing. It’s instinctual and he can’t live without it.

He can’t live without falling asleep to the soft breathing of Shuichi, without having strong, gentle arms wrapped around him when he wake up terrified and lost, without the soft kisses that pepper his face with warmth, without the smiles that light up his day more than anything, without the soft expression of love Shuichi looks at _him_ with, without the calloused hands hands that never fail to ground him, without the consistent warmth that grows each day.

_‘And that’s okay.’_ He thinks as he closes his eyes, slowly lulled to sleep by the melody of his beloved’s soft humming. _‘And maybe I will be too, someday.’_

* * *

Once morning, he looks up to where Shuichi is stretching.

He smiles.

“Thank you.” He says, _for believing in me, for giving me a second chance, for giving me_ ~~ _a family_~~ _friends that’ll never leave me, for relieving me of my loneliness, for giving me so much warmth, for taking away the cold emptiness, for loving me the way you do._

Shumai smiles back, the detective is smart. He knows. That’s one of the thousands of reasons Kokichi fell for him.

“Your welcome.”

With that, Kokichi falls a little deeper. As if that was possible.

(The flower grows, and with it, so does the warmth.)

* * *

Watching Miu fumble and stutter out half-baked pickup line at Kaede, he forms a plan.

Him, Angie-chan and Kork share a _look_ and he knows.

(He feels clear nostalgia as scribbles The Code™ on the piece of paper he stole from the doctor's office, despite having been told multiple time by an irritated Kayama-san that he could just ask.

Shumai just sighs fondly.)

* * *

When Angie and Korekiyo come in with a cursing Miu on the latter’s shoulders, Shuichi just rolls his eyes and turns to Kokichi.

“I’ll be back in a few hours, don’t grill Iruma-san too hard okay?”

“Uhuh!” He grins.

And with that, Shuichi leaves the room.

“If you cucks wanted to gangbang you could’ve just said so!” Miu huffs, swatting at Kork to let her down.

Korekiyo rolls his eyes, “That’s not why you’re here and you know it.”

“You’ve been crushing on Kaede-chan for months! We’ve been waiting for either one of you to crack but you two are so stubborn!” Angie-chan huffs while Kokichi hums with agreement.

Miu reddens and mutters, “The ultimate sexy genius girl doesn’t need anyone’s help.”

She goes ignored.

* * *

As he shows Miu the piece of paper that he’d written on, she gives him a withering look.

“Extra bitch.” She says.

“Ungrateful whore.” He chirps cheerfully back with zero bite.

“I don’t understand your relationship.” Angie says, beside her Kork looks just as weirded out.

“Good.” They quip ominously, both perfectly in unison and enjoy the mystified look on their faces.

* * *

Fortunately, Miu is okay-ish at showing Affection.

_Un_ fortunately, the same cannot be said for actually confessing.

_Double_ unfortunately, he is once again forced into being the one that gets practiced on.

“Why’s it gotta be me again!?”

“Because I said so. Now do the thing!”

“I hate every fucking one of you!” 

"Except Shuichi?"

"... Except Shuichi."

* * *

“Miu why the ever-loving hell would you tell Akamatsu-chan you “don’t like her or anything” when you’re trying to confess?”

“B—Because I don’t want her to think I l—like her of course!”

“.... Oh god oh fuck you’re a _tsundere_.”

“If Kaede-chan is anything like this Saihara, then it’s no wonder these idiots aren't together yet!”

* * *

They peer-pressure her into confessing to Akamatsu-chan and he feels an inkling of regret as he watches her yell in the arcade room about her _very_ explicit feeling in front of the entire fucking class.

It works out in the end with a flustered Kaeda shutting her up with a kiss.

Still definitely not the best way to confess though.

“Does that count as a success?” 

“... Well it didn’t end as horribly as I thought so yeah.”

* * *

The next day is filled with Miu and Akamatsu-chan being _utterly_ disgusting.

Somehow, it spirals into a contest of who can “out-couple” everyone else. 

So of course, Kokichi, being the competitive dumbass he is, drags an exasperated Shuichi into participating.

Thus the current situation.

Kaito-chan is grinning like a moron as usual with a hand around a very red Harukawa-chan, Miu is seemingly content with being seated on Akamatsu-chan’s lap, at least judging by the way her usual crass remarks are silenced, a tired Kork is resting his head on Avocado’s lap.

He himself is kind of on Shuichi’s lap, because no matter how exasperated the other gets, he’d never reject cuddles. Shuichi’s hands are wrapped with just the right amount of looseness to not feel confining around his waist and chin resting on the crook of his neck.

The moment feels private, despite being surrounded by other couples.

A perfect moment to say _those_ words.

“I—I love you…” There. He said it. The words he’d been wanting to say for far too long. The words that made his stomach flip with butterflies but at the same time with anxiety.

The silence only makes the knots in his stomach twist further.

_‘What if he thinks I’m coming off too strong? What if he doesn’t like me as strongly as I like him? What if he doesn’t even like me anymore? Fuck what if I just ruined both our relationship and our friendship shit shit shit how could I have been so stupid—’_

“I love you too. More than you think.”

A blush lights up his face. He doesn’t say anything in return.

He is supposed to be the liar, the villain, the one who made things difficult by just existing, the one who was meant to die for the happy ending.

But the warmth in his chest, something so painfully similar to love, or his smile is the farthest thing from a lie.

He lets himself loose in the familiar, protecting, _trusting_ embrace of the love of his life, and in that moment everything is _right_.

No terrified eyes or eyes full of hate and disgust stare through his rotten soul, no ghostly ~~cold, dead~~ hands claw throat and try to entice him to let go, no cries of an innocent man who deserved none of what happened to him echo through his skull, no flashes of the hydraulic platter hovering his shaking frame— just the protective embrace of his beloved.

_Maybe,_ He thinks, the same small smile he smiled all those days ago at ~~his big brother~~ Rantarou tugging at his lips. _Maybe, with him, all the wrongs can be right someday._

* * *

They doctors say they're getting released the next day.

The silence that befalls them is almost deafening.

The pit of dread settling in his stomach almost sends him spiraling once again, but the almost comfortingly tight grip of Shuichi’s hand keeps him in place.

He hates this place with every fiber of his being. The sheer unhidden resentment in the others eye whenever they glance out to only meet the big, enclosed gate that allowed no one to get out nor get in, told him they did too.

So why did the notion of leaving render them silent all with dread and fear?

He can barely hear the noise from the shutting door,

Silence echoes through the room, consuming even the loudest of his friends.

"... Why?" The question is directed to all of them, though the answer eludes them all.

The quiet is suffocating in more ways than one as the ghostly hands wrap around his throat and the whispers, previously pushed to the back of his mind resurfaces with a vengeance.

".... I don't really know for sure but maybe it's because we haven't really been outside for a year and three months? I doubt those brief visits to the shed count…"

And just like that, the quiet is broken. 

His ~~family~~ friends start conversing like before, albeit this time more serious and stiff.

He feels the panic and fear slowly decapitate as he half listens to the others, all while clutching the somewhat trembling hand of his beloved.

(Shuichi has _that_ expression for the entire day. The one he always has whenever he’s overthinking something.

Unfortunately, the idiot detective never comes to him for emotional shit and he knows better than to push.)

* * *

Later that night, it's not him who has a nightmare, for once.

As Shuichi heaves another broken sob, he pulls the terrified detective to his embrace.

His beloved doesn't hesitate to bury his head on his neck.

This isn't the first time Shuichi has had a nightmare, far from it, but it's the first time it's this bad.

As tremors jolt through the detective's body and the pained whimpers enter his ears, he feels something akin to… bitterness?

_'Shuichi doesn't deserve this.'_ The bitter feeling of sad acceptance almost startles him before realizes his beloved is still sobbing in his arms, _'None of them do.'_

He murmurs gentle reassurances, hoping to comfort the other the same way he does when he has a nightmare.

"Shh, shh it's okay, it's okay. We aren't there anymore, no one dead or dying anytime soon. You never need to condemn anyone to another damned to hell execution again. You're alright. I'm here."

It doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t, it's him who's trying after all.

_'Fuck, he’s hyperventilating— Think of something idiot!'_

A song came to mind, a song that his mother used to sing to him before his father set everything ablaze.

His voice is still rather squeaky at times, despite being almost twenty, and knowing his luck, he'll most likely end up ruining the melody.

But looking at terrified gold eyes, he realizes he doesn't have a choice.

He takes a deep breath and braces for the inevitable failure.

**_“_ ** _You're not alone,_

_There's no doubt_

_Your life… isn’t futile to be._

_If we'll be united_

_We're stronger together_

_We always have the high hope_

_For both you and I,_

_Don't worry 'bout a thing_

_For I’ll protect you, now and forever_

_Even if it's the harder way_

_It's plain to see the reason why_

_Oh, that's all because of my mighty love for you_

_Remember it's just natural that_

_I'll be here if you ever need help_

_Far across the distance_

_Rest assured that my love for you just won't die._ **_”_ **

His voice is surprisingly soft, and not squeaky and cracky as he’d expected, more like stream flowing gently down a mountain path.

He sings the song from his childhood on repeat, as it seems to be helping somewhat. He sings to rid his beloved of the unknown terrors that plague his mind, to help, not harm.

(Long, long ago, he’d use that very voice to mock the sorrow of another.)

Eventually, his voice fades into the silence and for a long time, all he hears is the undisturbed heartbeat of his detective and the darkness of the night is the only thing in sight.

Faint memories, like a previous life he’d forgotten, return to him, piece by piece, painting a picture that’d burned with the woman who birthed him and the man driven insane.

He doesn’t sleep that night.

* * *

It’s only in the morning when Shuichi quietly asks the name of the song that he realizes he doesn’t know.

“My mother used to sing it to me when I was a kid.”

If Shuichi notices his dodging the question or how his lip wobbles slightly, he doesn’t mention it.

* * *

“.... Can we go to the roof?” 

Shuichi stares at his fidgeting form for an almost unbearably long time before agreeing _very_ reluctantly.

* * *

The door opens with creak and the wind blows on his small frame, connected to the much bigger frame of his detective with the same limb he’d once traced in a haze of delusion and regret.

It feels almost surreal, seeing the roof in daylight.

He tries to be surprised when the strange calmness washes over him once again. He fails.

Long purple hair flows gently in the air as if an entity of its own and suddenly he feels angry. 

Red, hot anger fills his veins like a fire spreading through a forest.

_‘Why us?’_ He wants to scream, _‘What did we do to deserve this?’_

_‘What right did that damned game have to do what it did to us?’_

The anger he felt, for a moment so brief yet so hot, disappears as soon as it comes and in it's place, all he feels is resignation.

He doesn’t move, so tired but face undisturbed. 

He does nothing yet the _urge_ hits once again.

So like the weak, selfish murderer he is, he _looks_ at Shuichi, who’s been silently staring at him the entire time, hoping to convey a million words in one, simple look.

Shuichi understands, of course his beloved does, and looks rightfully conflicted.

The silence between spreads like cancer yet neither say anything.

Until it breaks.

“... Be careful, okay?” _Promise me you won’t fall_

Once upon a time, he’d be hurt at the lack of trust. Now, he knows better

He smiles, “I will.” _I p_ _romise_

Softly, he hums and steps that edge.

_Another step._

_Another step._

_Another step._

Halfway through, he realizes what song he’s been humming and almost cries.

But despite it, he continues.

_Another step._

_Another step._

_Another step._

Ah, he’s reached the edge.

He raises his hand and stares.

Still no mark, Still a limb far too pale. But maybe that can change into a small, pretty little ring in a future so far away.

For a second, he stares. Stares at the ever welcoming ground where he once fell. He can hear the whispers again, can feel the ghostly ~~(cold, dead, he hates them—)~~ hands wrap around his throat.

**_"You’re alone and you always will be.”_ **

He takes a deep breath and turns away.

He can see the clear as stars relief in his beloved’s ever so mesmerizing eyes the second their eyes meet.

Shuichi smiles at him, eyes crinkling with adoration and fondness and the flower of warmth almost blooms. Almost.

_‘Not yet.’_ Someone whispers, someone that is so familiar yet untraceable. He can’t help but want to believe in that someone.

Shuichi raises a single hand in his direction, an unspoken offer he doesn’t hesitate to take.

The detective pulls him close to a position that feels like a hug but not quite.

They stare at each other, silent yet not. Love and tenderness reflecting in gold and violet eyes like twin mirrors.

Until it breaks once again.

“... I’m so proud of you.” A pause. “You know that right?”

He smiles, an expression small yet so soft and full of love, “I do now.”

( ** _“You’re alone and you always will be.”_ ** _They say as they always do._

_He smiles, as he always does._

**_“But that’s a lie, isn’t it?”_ )**

**Author's Note:**

> as expected the title is lame again but this time it's also the summary! joy
> 
> the part with kokichis mother is based off my many headcanons for him so it aint canon
> 
> btw the song is might+u with some altered lyrics bc im bnha trash 
> 
> i apologize in advance if my piss poor writing offended anyone i tried to keep it as realistic as I could but unfortunately I'm not an expert at psychology
> 
> comment below if you notice any tags missing!


End file.
